Opinion: Thanksgiving food, drink tier list

Gracyn Richardson, Editor

As Thanksgiving approaches, it is most reasonable to rank the foods and drinks associated with the holiday.
The opinions shared in this are explicit to the writer, and does not reflect the staff of the Pathfinder’s overall opinions.
Each tier represents the “good-ness” of the foods. “S” stands for superior, and then everything below that goes in the order of the grading system, aside from “E” which means the food is not a “D” but not an “F” or failure.
Starting out in the “F” tier, deviled eggs hold their reign over the section. The mustard or mayo or whatever sauce a person uses to make this monstrosity should be isolated from society. Deviled eggs have their name for a reason, which is a just reason.
Next, green bean casserole is featured. This disgusting mix of onion and green bean among other sauces and sometimes meats is a mess. It smells and looks terrible, which is why it deserves its rank.
Next, cauliflower. Certain veggies are in the spotlight on this holiday, and for some reason, cauliflower is wrongfully one of them. The smell is putrid, and the taste is bland and soggy, always. This disgusting vegetable is a good transition into the rank higher than it, but not much better.
Starting, there is cornbread. Plain cornbread is an “E,” but cornbread with honey-cinnamon butter is an “A” at least. It is too dry by itself.
Next, brussel sprouts. Another disgusting vegetable that is also in the stolen spotlight on Thanksgiving. It’s just unneeded, and is not something that should be picked up through the intricate buffet.
Finally in this tier, pecan pie. Pie should not be crunchy. That is it.
Moving onto the “D” tier, starting with creamed corn. The name? Gross, the texture? Even worse! There is various ways people can eat corn on Thanksgiving, and this should not be one of them.
Next, known as scalloped potatoes, should be known as the “food that is better as a left-over.” Eating these cheesy starches are much better a day or two after they’re sitting out all day long, waiting to be eaten by extended family members. Rightfully deserving a “D.”
Last, ham. Ham is the knock off turkey that smells like dog food, and tastes too much like a shoe. It is just bad.
Moving on into the “C” tier, it starts with pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie only stands strong with an abundance of whipped cream, and by itself, it is OK. Not as good as lemon meringue, but is good enough to eat after you’re winding down from eating everything else.
Next, corn on the cob. Corn on the cob discriminates. Not really, but it gets stuck in ones teeth, and one always needs a toothpick by their side to eat this veggie. Too much work.
Transitioning into the “B” tier, turkey kicks it off. Turkey is the food that one was first told about to eat on Thanksgiving over their break, and when they had it, it was buried under gravy and cranberry sauce to make it taste not as dry. By itself, cooked turkey deserves the “B.”
Next is the cranberry sauce. Unlike popular opinions, cranberry sauce is tasty by itself and on the turkey. The sauce relies on the turkey, and the turkey on the sauce, thus they rank the same.
Finally comes apple cider. Apple cider is that one cousin that one sees over the break that says they’re better than everyone else because they have a lot of social media followers, when in reality, they’re boring and rely on other family members (ingredients AKA their parents) to make them (taste) better. Apple cider is the boring version of sparkling cider.
Moving on into the “A” tier, the classic dinner rolls state their case. Usually gooey and coated in butter and some sort of glaze, they hold the “A” tier together.
Next, there is mac and cheese. This dish is more common in southern states for the holiday, but it still holds its score. With its baked goodness, the aroma could nearly make your mouth water.
Finishing the “A” tier is gravy. This legendary sauce, is so much more than that, a sauce. It accentuates the mashed potatoes, turkey and stuffing. Its smooth texture makes its compelling case as an “A” tier item.
Finally, the “S” (superior) tier arrives to the feast with the one and only, mashed potatoes. These iconic potatoes hold Thanksgiving together. They can be good lumpy, creamy, garlic-y and a vast amount of different ways. The true versatile legend.
Next, the tier brings stuffing. The mix of bread and seasonings, the mouthwatering dish outshines most. Not only is it so good, it is not hard for one to make. Sometimes the best kind of stuffing comes from a mix in a box, and that is absolutely beautiful.
After that, there is sparkling cider. Sparkling cider is the aunt that lives in New York that visits twice a year and runs an incredibly successful magazine. Sparkling cider is the Meryl Streep of Thanksgiving food and drink. It is bubbly, rich, and the packaging looks like wine so kids think they look scandalous drinking it. Sparkling cider is a legend.
Finishing this long journey comes yams with marshmallows melted over their cooked gooey-ness. These marvelous yams brings ones family closer together as they all sigh together when the carbs hit the base of their stomach. It is the smell of love, the taste of heaven, and overall the best Thanksgiving food there is.
All in all, Thanksgiving is a great time to see one’s personality with what they bring to the table to eat. Food reflects one’s character, and this ranking of food allows one to see what tier their family members fit into.