I Love You Colonel Sanders


Caden Massey

We’ve done it faithful readers. We have finally delved into the wonderful world of dating simulators. We can achieve no lower ranking in the gaming community. We are worse than Fortnite players now. How much lower can I stoop? Much farther. I will even play games from fast food companies (Check out my Big Bumpin’ review).

But what if I brought shame to my family name by selling my soul to corporate America, and becoming a dating sim player in one fell swoop?  Well, you are looking at it right now. I sat down and played I Love You, Colonel Sanders with my mouse in one hand and a bucket of fried chicken in the other. May God have mercy on my soul.

I Love You Colonel Sanders is what happens when you fall asleep watching anime while eating chicken. It is basically a complete fever dream. You star as a younger person trying to become a chef at the prestigious University of Cooking School: Academy for Learning. You spend most of your time trying to get Colonel Sanders to fall in love with you through your mastery of cooking and your dialogue choices. Colonel Sanders by the way is a complete hunk and the kindest gentleman you will ever meet. He rides in on a horse and causes you to swoon with lust.

Some of the other characters are entertaining. Some make no sense. The professor is a dog and one of the students is a robot, so nothing out of the ordinary for anime. Speaking of, the game has a sick anime opening with all the characters that is an absolute masterpiece.

The game really shines when the branding starts. I don’t even care that this was made to get me to want to buy KFC. It worked. I mostly did it for the joke, but I still bought it. I don’t even care that they did this as a marketing stunt, because it is free. You heard me. Free. You can attempt to get the love of a fast food mascot for free. I want that sweet bucket of fried chicken, and no one can tell me otherwise.

We also get the chance to play some minigames that determine the outcome of the story, which is amazing because for a free game it has a lot of depth. The stories can end in different ways and I actually went and did them all because I was having a blast. SPOILER WARNING: In the end the Colonel will decide to do a few different things, like make you a business partner or things to that effect. I will also say that you DO NOT get to… subdue the chef. The game will tell you that it isn’t that kind of game very clearly if you try. Not that I did…

Anyway, the game does have some pleasing visuals and I thought that it actually looked pretty good. I noticed a lot of different reviews have criticized the game, but those people are not understanding the true beauty of this game. It did clearly take some real effort from the creators to make the game, and I think it is pretty lame that people hate it.

If you want to try this game, which I would encourage you to do, you can get it for free on Steam. I’m not sure if anywhere else has it, but I promise it is not an experience you want to miss. It should take around one or two hours to complete the game. I would recommend getting some KFC while you play just for the meme. I rate I Love You Colonel Sanders 8 finger-lickin’ good pieces of crispy Kentucky Fried Chicken out of 10.