Ask C-Mass

Caden Massey

“I know it’s a little late, but what are your thoughts on Groundhogs Day?”
Well avid reader, thanks for this question, I guess. I can confidently say I never thought I would get paid to give my opinion of Groundhogs Day, but here we go.
I will admit I had to do some research on this question because I don’t know much about this holiday, so please forgive me for my ignorance.
According to the tradition, if Punxsutawney Phil comes out of his hole on this day and sees his shadow, he gets scared and runs back into his burrow, predicting six more weeks of winter weather; no shadow means an early spring.
Personally, I have never met Punxsutawney Phil. He seems like an alright groundhog, but I have a small inkling that something bigger is going on here.
Most groundhogs live about 6 to eight years, but Phil is 134 years old. Now, some animals live long past when they are expected to, but this seems a little unreasonable.
They claim he has an elixir of life that he owes that causes him to essentially live forever. Sure thing. The secret society called Punxsutawney’s Inner Circle seems to believe he is the only groundhog that has ever made weather predictions.
Additionally, they claim he is 100% accurate. Most sources agree that his accuracy at best is a measly 47%. He has been wrong a lot more than he would like to lead on.
Given these points, I would say I have trouble believing that there is an immortal groundhog living exclusively to give us premonitions of the future of the weather. I can not see a way that this is possible.
I will admit that stranger things have happened, but I feel like if there was an elixir of life with Phil, somebody would have tried to steal it by now.
I think the government would have probably taken it to do research by now. I mean we are talking about a way to live forever here. This is worth stealing.
If we consider for a moment that it is just a fun tradition for kids and locals, I think it is awesome. As time goes on, I feel like we are having less
and less traditional ceremonies.
This is perhaps the least offensive thing that we could possibly celebrate. Nobody could possibly be offended by this.
Even Christmas and Easter could be offensive to other religions, but this is just a groundhog who predicts the weather.
People also care about this a lot, so I’m glad people have found something to unite around. If we had more events like Groundhogs Day, think about how much more
united the entire country would feel.
In that regard, this is great. I don’t think it’s real but who knows.
Thank you for the oddly specific and entertaining question my faithful reader, I’m glad I was able to provide you with some guidance on this issue.
If you or any other students have any more questions, feel free to send an email to [email protected], or slip it under my door in SUB 227.